How to Talk to Current Parents Before You Choose a School
The Principal's Perspective
Most schools will connect you with a current parent if you ask. It's one of the more useful things a family can request during the admissions process, and most never think to.
A current parent knows things that don't appear in any brochure. How quickly the office replies when something goes wrong. Whether the bus is actually on time. What happened when their child had a difficult teacher. Whether the community feels open to newcomers, or already settled into groups that formed years ago.
The conversation is worth having. It's also worth preparing for, because a badly aimed one tells you very little.
Understand Who You're Being Introduced To
The school will pick someone who likes the school. That isn't dishonest, it's what any organisation would do, and it doesn't make the conversation less valuable. It just means you should know what you're working with.
The goal isn't to find an unhappy parent. It's to ask questions specific enough that a happy parent still gives you real information. Satisfied parents are usually honest about the trade-offs when the question makes room for one.
"A happy parent will tell you the truth about a school's weaknesses. They just won't volunteer them, because nobody volunteers criticism of a place they chose."
Ask Questions That Can't Be Answered With "Yes"
The difference between a useful parent conversation and a pleasant but empty one usually comes down to how the questions are framed.
"Are you happy with the school?"
"What would you change about it if you could?"
"Do the teachers communicate well?"
"When something went wrong last year, how did the school handle it?"
"Is it a welcoming community?"
"How long did it take your child to feel settled, honestly?"
"Would you recommend it?"
"What kind of child do you think does best here, and what kind struggles?"
That last one is the most useful question in the set. It gives a parent permission to describe a mismatch without criticising anyone, and the answer tells you directly whether your child sits inside or outside the group that thrives there.
Go Beyond the Parent the School Chose
One conversation is a data point. Two or three start to form a picture, particularly if they come from different sources.
- A parent whose child is a few years ahead of yours, who has seen more of the school
- A parent whose child left, if you can find one, they'll tell you what didn't work
- Families in local expat or parent groups, who have no stake in your decision
- A parent of a child with a similar profile to yours, quiet, energetic, needing support
Be careful with online groups, though. People post when they're unhappy far more often than when things are fine, so a handful of complaints in a forum rarely reflects the average experience. Use them to generate questions, not conclusions.
Listen for the Pause
Most of what you learn in these conversations comes from tone rather than content. A parent who answers a question about learning support instantly and specifically is telling you something different from one who pauses and says it's "improving."
You aren't looking for a school without weaknesses, because there isn't one. You're looking for a school whose weaknesses don't happen to be the things your particular child needs most.
The Insight Session
Know what to ask, and what the answers actually mean.
A focused strategy session with Dr. Allen to prepare the questions that matter for your child specifically, before you speak to schools or the families already inside them.
Dr. Allen A. Dubolino, Ph.D. is the founding Head of School at New American Chinese International School (Nonthaburi, Thailand) and Head of School at Four Leaves International School Tokyo. He has 22 years of international school leadership experience across Japan and Thailand and is the founder of Dubolino Education Advisory.
